Hi guys,
Yes, I shall be the first to admit that this is totally off-topic (and off
the wall). Nonetheless, it should serve to inject some badly-need levity
into the proceedings...
On Jaguars (prior to the Ford takeover): Before signing the paperwork to buy
your new Jaguar, ask the salesman to show you the inspection plate. The date
and time of manufacture must resolve to a Wednesday between 0900 and 1100,
or between 1400 and 1530. What is wrong with other time/day pairs?
0800: Start work.
0800-0845: Prepare for morning tea break.
0830-0840: Morning tea break.
0840-0900: Too soon after morning tea break.
0900-1100: Good time slot #1.
1101-1200: Too close to lunch.
1200-1300: Lunch.
1301-1400: Too soon after lunch.
1400-1530: Good time slot #2.
1531-1600: Too close to afternoon tea break.
1600-1610: Afternoon tea break.
1610-1700: Too close to quitting time.
1700: Quitting time.
Now the days:
Monday: forget it. Everybody knows about Mondays.
Tuesday: Recovering from Monday.
Thursday: Preparing for Friday.
Friday: Bad through and through. Thinking all day about drinking up the
pay-cheque Friday evening, and beating wife, kids and dog Saturday.
"Why do the British drink warm beer?" "Because they store it in Lucas
fridges."
Joseph Lucas won the Nobel Prize in Physics by inventing the short circuit.
Joseph Lucas (the Prince of Darkness) got this deathbed promise from his
son: "I want you to swear that you will never drive after dark, my boy."
Unedited text of Churchill's Battle of Britain victory speech: "Never in the
history of human conflict has so much been owed by so many to so few, the
best efforts of Joseph Lucas notwithstanding. Goering had Bosch, but we
still beat him." (Lucas was the prime contractor for WW2 RAF aircraft
electrical systems.)
You are, of course, aware of the Lucas Theory of Electrical Conduction:
Electricity is conducted by smoke. When you open the bonnet [translation:
hood] and smoke is pouring from the ignition coil or the fuse box, and the
electrics don't work, it is because the smoke has leaked out.
I believe that Jaguar cars now have Ford electrics. They have become decent
vehicles, as far as I am aware.
Cheers for now, 73,
Adam VA7OJ/AB4OJ
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